


Nobody's Fault But Mine

by theychosefamily67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-02 05:43:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8653090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theychosefamily67/pseuds/theychosefamily67
Summary: As Cain predicted, Sam is killed by Dean’s hands under the influence of the Mark of Cain. Dean tries to cope with his actions by visiting Sam in different time periods where he tries to be there for his brother at times he felt he was not. Sam never tells Dean about these visits. credit: itsokaysammy on tumblr





	1. Chapter 1

Dean knelt on the bunker floor, blood covering his hands and face. He stared in disbelief at the body in front of him, his breathing ragged. He had done it, just like Cain said he would. He had killed Sam. Blood poured out of the gash in Sam’s neck and pooled around him. Dean threw the first blade aside and desperately tried to stop the bleeding, pressing on Sam’s neck. It wasn’t helping. Pushing away from Sam’s body, hands shaking, he emptied his stomach contents onto the floor. This can’t be happening. What am I going to do? He spit, the disgusting bile burning the back of his throat. 

“Cas!” Dean yelled for his friend, surely he would be able to do something. He leaned back against the bookshelf, tears streaming down his face.

“Dean, what did you do?” the angel asked in a horrified whisper.

“Cas, help him, please,” he croaked.

“Not this time,” Death’s voice floated down the stairs, stopping Cas in his tracks.

“No,” Dean whispered. “Please Death, it’s not his time.”

“I’m afraid it is my dear boy. No more bargaining, it’s time for Sam to go,” Death reached the bottom of the stairs, gliding over to Sam’s body.

Dean struggled to his feet and put himself in between Death and Sam. Death stopped, looking Dean up and down like the amoeba he was.

“Dean, it’s time. Let him go,” Cas pleaded.

“No, not like this. Not by my hands! How am I supposed to live with that? If I don’t have Sam keeping me human, this thing is going to take me over completely!” Dean shoved his sleeve up, the Mark burning bright red on his arm.

“Then give it to me,” Cas said.

“What? No Cas, are you crazy? I’m a human and it’s made me a killer. We have no idea what it would do to an angel!”

“He will be fine, since his vessel is empty it will have no effect on it,” Death droned, bored of this conversation.

“Are you sure?” Dean asked.

Death huffed in annoyance, swiping his hand through the air. Dean screamed in agony as the Mark left his arm. Cas grunted, grabbing his arm as the Mark transferred over.

“There, it’s done. Let’s go Sam,” Death turned to walk up the stairs.

“Wait, he’s here?” Dean gasped.

“Of course.”

“Let me see him, please, I’m begging you,” Dean whispered.

“You know that’s not a good idea,” Cas put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean shrugged it off and took a step towards Death.

“Please.”

Death sighed, once again waving his hand through the air. Suddenly Sam appeared beside him, tears in his eyes.

“Sammy…I’m so sorry,” Dean croaked, falling to his knees again.

“I know Dean. It wasn’t your fault. It was the Mark.”

“If I could take it all back…”

“I know,” Sam smiled weakly. “Please don’t do anything stupid. It’s okay, I’m ready to go.”

“How–” Dean sobbed, “how am I supposed to live with this?”

“I’m going to a better place. No monsters, no evil things trying to kill me in the middle of the night, I’ll be fine.”

“Sammy–”

“Dean, it’s okay.” Sam looked at Cas. “Watch out for him okay? Don’t let him do anything stupid.”

“I will try my best Sam,” Cas pledged.

Sam nodded and turned to Death, “Okay. Let’s go.”

As they walked up the stairs, Sam glanced back once more at his big brother kneeling on the floor and the angel resting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Bye Jerk,” he whispered. And then they were gone.

The next day Dean stumbled out of his room and into the kitchen. Cas was waiting on him, handing him a cup of coffee.

“How many bottles did you drink?” Cas wrinkled his nose at the smell.

“Shut up,” Dean grumbled, snatching the cup and flopping down at the table.

Cas sighed, “Would you like something to eat?”

“No,” he sipped the coffee, staring at Cas. “You don’t have to hang around here you know? I’m not gonna do anything stupid.”

“I promised Sam,” Cas said.

“Yeah…well…” Dean trailed off, his alcohol soaked brain too slow to come up with a witty reply.

Cas stood in the doorway, watching Dean.

“Can you at least sit down and stop lurking in the doorway like a stalker?” Dean snapped.

“Yes,” Cas sat at the table, still watching Dean closely.

“Okay, so, last night as I was drinking all the whiskey we have in the house, I came up with a plan. You can time travel right? So just zap me back to before I got the Mark, and I won’t take it from Cain.”

“So then Abbadon will kill Crowley and take over hell? And Metatron will become God?” Cas asked.

Dean sat in silence, drinking his coffee. “Fine, then take me back to before I…killed…Sam and I’ll stop myself.”

“Or you’ll kill yourself because the Mark won’t let you listen to reason.” 

“Dammit Cas!” Dean banged his fist on the table. “Then what am I supposed to do?!”

“Let him go Dean,” he whispered.

Dean started to talk, then stopped and scrubbed his hand down his face.

“Can you take me back to when he was nine years old then?” he mumbled.

“What…why?” Cas asked.

“There was a night when Dad and I were on a hunt and he was all alone in the hotel. When we got back, he was in the bed, buried under the covers, shaking and crying. He kept saying he had seen a vamp outside the room. I told him to grow up and stop being a baby,” Dean took a long, shaken breath. “I’ve never forgiven myself for that.”

“Dean, I don’t know…”

“Please Cas,” Dean begged. “If I can’t save him, can you at least let me make something right? Please?”

“Dean this is a bad idea.”

“I need to see him Cas. Please.”

Cas sighed. “All right. But how are you going to explain who you are?”

“I’ll tell him the truth.”

Cas thought for a moment. “I don’t like this but, I can’t see the harm in it. You must not tell him anything about his future though,” Cas warned.

“Of course not, I’m not stupid.”

“Ok. But I think you should sober up first.”

Dean nodded, “Yeah, probably a good idea.” 

He stood and started to leave the kitchen, but he stopped, turning back to his friend. “Thank you Cas.”

Cas nodded solemnly. Dean left the room and that’s when Cas’s face fell. This was really not a good idea. But how could he tell his dearest friend, the man who had stopped the Apocalypse, no?


	2. Chapter 2

Dean bent over, hands on his knees, begging the world to stop spinning.  No matter how many times he time-travelled, it always made him nauseous.

He straightened up and tried to figure out where he was.  It looked like the woods next to the hotel.  Cas had tried to aim for the parking lot, but that was a little hard to do when you were sending someone back 23 years.  After a bit of a walk, he finally made it to the hotel.  He searched for the room they had been staying in all those years ago.  When he found it, he stood in front of the door, unsure how to proceed.  Should he knock?  Would it scare Sam even more?  He finally decided on knocking, his knuckles barely brushing the door.  

A small voice said, “Who’s there?”

“Sam?  Is that you?”

There was a long pause before the voice said, “Who wants to know?”

“I–I’m a friend of your father’s.  John asked me to come by and check on you while he and Dean are hunting.”

Nothing.

“I’m not a monster, I swear.  I’ll let you run all the checks on me.”

Dean heard door locks being turned and then it opened, slowly.  Sam poked his head around the door and Dean held his breath.  God, he looked so small.  

Dean held his hands up, “I’m a friend, I swear.”

Sam looked him up and down, nodded, and opened the door wider.

Dean shut the door behind him and locked it.  Sam sat down on the bed, and once again Dean was shocked by how small he was.  He looked so thin, and tired.

“Do you wanna splash me with holy water?”  He offered, sitting down at the small table in the room.

“Nah, it’s okay.  I trust you.”

Dean smiled.  “Got anything to drink in this dump?”

“I think we got coffee from this morning.”

“No beer?  All right, I guess coffee will do,” Dean said.

“How do you take it?”

“Just black is fine.”

Sam poured the cup and handed it to Dean.  

“Thanks Sammy,” Dean stopped, the cup halfway to his lips, realizing his mistake.

“Did you just call me Sammy?”  His head was quirked to the side like an inquisitive puppy.  “Only my dad and Dean do that.”

Dean set the cup down on the table.  He pressed his knuckles together and cleared his throat.   _Well, here goes nothin’._  “So, I’m gonna tell you something Sam, and it’s gonna sound a little crazy.”

“O–kay,” Sam sat down on the bed, preparing for the worst.

“I’m Dean.”

“Yeah right,” Sam smirked.  “How dumb do you think I am?”

“Seriously.  I’m your brother.  I’m from the future.  When we get older we meet an angel, and he’s the one who zapped me back here.”

“Come on man, that’s not funny.  Did my dad put you up to this?”

“If I’m not Dean, how do I know that you gave me a necklace with an amulet on it for Christmas last year?”

“Anybody could know that, lots of people have seen him wearing it.  And if you’re really Dean, then why aren’t you wearing it?”

“I…I…um…never mind.”  Dean thought for a minute.  “Okay, if I’m not Dean, then how would I know when you found out what Dad really did you cried like a little baby?”

Sam’s eyes widened in surprise and he jumped up from the bed.  “Dean?”

“Yep.  It’s me.”

“I…I don’t understand.  Why are you here?  Where am I?”

“I’m here because I wanted to make some things right that I screwed up in the past.  You called me tonight, scared out of your mind, convinced there was a vampire outside.”

Sam looked towards the phone beside the bed.  “I just called you like ten minutes ago.  You told me to grow up and stop being such a baby.”

Dean winced at the harsh words.  “And that’s why I came back, to tell you that I’m sorry Sam.  I never should’ve said that.”

“You were right.  I was probably just imagining things,” Sam mumbled, sitting back down on the bed again.

“Yeah, but I didn’t know that.  For all I knew there could have been a vampire outside the room.  I was just mad.  When you called, we were about to go kill the vamp we were hunting, and Dad made me stay in the car and talk to you instead.”

“So, where am I?  Why didn’t I come back with you?”

Dean hesitated, trying to think of a good reason, besides the truth.  “Are you kidding man?  That would have totally wigged you out to see an older version of you!”

Sam’s mouth quirked up on one side, “Yeah.”

“Plus, I’m under strict orders from the angel not to reveal anything about the future.”

“No fair!  You can’t tell me anything?!”

“Nope,” Dean smiled and shook his head.

“Come on, just one thing.  What am I like in the future?”

“You get a little taller.”

Sam laughed.  “That is so not cool.”

“I’m sorry Sammy.  I can’t tell you anything.  I made a promise.”

Sam sighed.  “Okay, so what do you wanna do?”

“Well, I’ll have to shag ass right before dad and…I get back.  Wow, that’s weird to say.  Wanna watch TV until then?”

“Sure,” Sam shrugged.

Dean sat on the other bed and they found some awful B-rated movie to watch.  Dean didn’t mind, he was just happy Sam wasn’t scared.  Every now and then he would steal glances at Sam.  He would do it quickly though.  Didn’t want Sam to catch him looking.  

After the movie ended it was time for Dean to leave.  “All right Sammy, I better go.  Don’t want to freak myself out.”

“All right.”  Sam got up to walk him to the door.  “Hey Dean, are we still hunters in the future?”

“Yep.  Still saving people and hunting things.  The family business.”

Sam thought for a minute.  “I like that.  Saving people and hunting things.”

 _Shit._  Dean forget he didn’t say that until years later.

“Well feel free to use it,” Dean smiled.

“Am I going to see you again?”  Sam asked.

Dean stopped.  He hadn’t thought about that.  Why not?  He could get Cas to send him back to fix all the things he had messed up in the past.

“Sure man.  I’ll come back and see you again.  Maybe one of these nights, when you’re alone and Dad and I are off hunting.  Would that be cool?”

Sam’s face lit up.  “Yeah!”

“Okay.  See you later then.”

“Thanks Dean,” Sam hugged him around his waist.  It was strange to feel Sam’s tiny arms around his middle instead of a big hulking man weighing him down with his arms around his neck.

He waited outside the hotel door until Sam had engaged all the locks.  Walking towards the woods he had popped into, Dean smiled.  He had made it right.  Sam hadn’t spent all night huddled under blankets, scared and alone.  He felt the pull and then a pop and he was back in the bunker.

“How did it go?”  Cas asked.

“Good.  Thanks Cas.  I’m gonna go to bed now.  I’m pretty wiped out.”

“Of course,” Cas said.  He watched his friend walk down the hallway, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

Dean walked in his room and sat on his bed.  He could still see Sam’s little face, smiling up at him.  But Sam wasn’t here anymore.  He was gone.  Dean had killed him.  He spun the top off the bottle of whiskey sitting on his bedside table and took a long pull.  

He had to make this right.  But how?  Death had already taken Sam.  No crossroads demon would deal with him.  What was he going to do?  Dean lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling.  He would figure it out, he had to.  Until he did, he would just keep making things right with past Sam.


End file.
